Like Each relationship, matrimonial relationship needs love and care. This relationship is very much different from others as two people from completely different backgrounds come together, accepting each others virtues and vices. Even a small spark can result in a big fire. This spark may result out of lack of mutual trust, lack of love and care or even through lack of understanding and communication gap. Every marital relationship faces ups and downs in life. In connection to this, I am reminded of an advertisement on a popular television channel which suggested how to stop your neighbor’s verbal fight with the spouse. It says, “when you hear your neighbor’s verbal fight, shouting or yelling at someone, just ring the doorbell and this will put an end to the fight, restoring peace to some extent.”
In matrimonial relationship, trust is the most important thing. Understanding and respecting each others’ feelings is very essential. Both husband and wife should fulfil their duties keeping their ego aside. If a wife is a working woman, then her husband should be co-operative and understand her professional problems as well. A lot of trust and understanding is required to make a marital relationship flourish. Just as plants need to be watered daily, a husband-wife relationship also needs to be nurtured with love, trust and understanding to make this marital journey smooth and uninterrupted.
If both persons are egoistic then it is impossible for them to live together happily. Self-respect should not let one’s ego to prevent him or her from saying sorry.” Couples having completed 25-50 years of marriage often suggest others to solve problems calmly as aggressiveness can lead to serous consequences. They emphasize that if the persons are aggressive, differences are surely going to arise and that may affect their family structure, badly their children more seriously. Children who grow up in homes where parents are married to one another and live happily, are less likely to be impoverished, to have emotional or behavioural problems, to engage in premature sexual relations, to use drugs, or to commit suicide etc.
Love should not be equated with possessiveness and forceful attitude. Both partners have the right to question but someone’s personal space should not be invaded. Thus, a marital relationship should not be considered a burden and should be given enough time to grow and mature.
We’ve all been around couples who have a relationship that seems flawless. You know the couples I’m talking about, the ones with an obvious healthy marital relationship. They never argue, are able to work through conflict as it arises with ease. There is a constant show of affection, love and support for each other.
I know a couple like this. They married and everything seemed to fall into place for them. They live a charmed life and it is all due to the healthy marital relationship they have with each other.
For some couples things don’t fall into place. A relationship with their spouse is more of a struggle, something that has to be worked at, a relationship that leaves them feeling empty, unloved or disrespected.
There are some features of a healthy and unhealthy marital relationship, given below which may help you and your spouse to determine whether or not you are on the right track in your relationship or whether you both need to make some modifications in certain behaviors.
Salient Features of a Healthy Marital Relationship:
• Not only you feel happy and safe with your spouse, you are able to have those same feelings when alone.
• You motivate each other to live life to the fullest. To pursue your dreams and are able to work together toward common goals.
• You accept each other for who you are. There aren’t any expectations that the other will or needs to change.
• You both feel secure in expressing your opinion. You know your spouse will listen and take into consideration your feelings on issues that arise.
• Your relationship with each other is your main priority. If something comes up that will cause stress in the relationship you always defer to what is best for the relationship.
• Marital problems and conflicts do not cause you to feel insecure. Your spouse can become upset with you without you taking on the attitude that you are no longer loved.
• If you are asked about your relationship the majority of what you have to say about it is positive.
• You are able to communicate in an open and honest way with each other.
• You always feel loving, kind and giving toward your spouse.
• You repeatedly tell your spouse, “I love you.”
Salient Features of an Unhealthy Marital Relationship:
• You feel insecure and needy when not around your spouse. You are dependent on your spouse for security and feelings of happiness.
• You judge your spouse’s differences. If he/she does not feel as you do about dreams or goals for the future you are unable to work with your spouse in a way that means both getting what they want.
• When conflict arises, you are unable to solve the problems. You feel stifled, as if your spouse does not listen or take into consideration your point of view.
• You withdraw intimately by withholding sex or emotionally by withholding love when there is a conflict. Instead of finding solutions to problem one or both of you shuts down and refuses to deal with the conflict.
• You do not communicate openly and honestly with your spouse. You lie and withhold important information from each other.
• You spend most of your time feeling hurt or worrying about the state of your relationship with your spouse.
• You complain to others about your spouse. Instead of talking to your spouse, you invite others into the problems in your marriage.
• You do not make your relationship a priority. You put your own desires and level of comfort before the relationship.
• You take any criticism from your spouse as an assault instead of being open to his/her feedback.
• You manipulate your partner into doing things they are not comfortable doing regardless of the harm it will do the relationship. If you want something you will nag, beg or emotional blackmail until you get what you want.
I hope that you would consider the above submissions in right perspective and take appropriate action to nurture your marital relationship further.
Be Happy – Nurture Your marital Relationship.