Dating Tips For Single Moms : Getting back into the dating scene might not be the first thing on your agenda when you’re a single mom. You have a thousand things to balance and juggle, from childcare to bringing money into your home, and the idea of finding time to allow someone else into your life might be laughable.
Eventually, though, you’re probably going to want to meet somebody new. When you decide that time has arrived, you might find it a little hard or intimidating. It’s probably never been easier to find a date – apps like Tinder mean they’re only a swipe and a tap away at any time – but single moms sometimes don’t feel like Tinder is aimed at them.
Even though older people use it, Tinder and apps like it often feel like a place for very young people with no ties, no children, and plenty of time on their hands. Many people agonize about whether they should mention the fact that they have children in their online dating profile at all, and that’s wrong. None of us should be ashamed of who we are, or feel like we’re obliged to hide major details of our lives for the benefit of strangers. Our children are a huge part of our lives. For many of us, they’re the whole focus of our lives, and any new partner is going to have to fit in around them. You might think that limits your chances of finding that new partner, but it doesn’t have to.
Single moms can and do use dating apps, dating websites, and other means of dating successfully, and we’ve learned from their experience to put this handy guide together for you. If you’ve been single for too long and you’re looking to find someone special to pass the time with, we hope it’s useful to you!
Broaden Your Horizons
Before we have children, many of us assess the worthiness of potential partners based on whether or not they’re someone you would want to start or share a family with. Because of that, we develop a type, or we create a fixed ideal in our heads. We don’t have to do that anymore. We already have a family, and we’re not under any pressure to add to that family if we don’t want to. That means you can experiment a little in ways that you haven’t done so before.
Try personality types that differ from your own. Spend more time speaking to people who have interests that aren’t the same as yours. Take a few steps outside your comfort zone, and you might find it rewarding.
Speak Before Meeting
Somehow, we’ve all forgotten what our phones are actually for. We date using the apps on our phones, and we send messages back and forth on phones to arrange a date, but we don’t use them to make phone calls. That’s a big mistake. There’s an intimacy that comes with phone calls that you won’t get from messages. People are often bolder in text than they are when talking to you directly. You can get tiny visual cues from the sound of someone’s voice and the way they talk that you’ll completely miss when you’re reading their messages.
With a phone conversation, you’ll get someone’s initial response to your questions rather than a response that they’ve had time to think about and rewrite several times over, and those initial responses can be very revealing. Insisting on talking on the phone first can help you to assess whether someone’s going to be worth your time or not – and as you’re potentially going to be introducing this person to your child, every stage of assessment and filtering is important.
When you have a profile that you’re happy with, stick with it. Don’t change it based on the results you get. You should be upfront about the fact that you have a child, and you should be upfront about what you’re looking for. That might mean that you get fewer responses than you would do by hiding some of those details, but that’s a good thing. Think about the way people play online slots games and view the latest slot promos. They might sit and play the same game on the same online slots website for a long time, spending money in the process, without seeing any return from it.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, their luck will change, and they’ll win money from that game. The swiping and flicking that goes on in a modern dating app is a little like playing online slots anyway, so the comparison is perfectly apt. The point is that you shouldn’t change to suit your dates or potential partners – they should accommodate you. Getting one response a week from a potentially great match is better than getting one a day from people who aren’t suited to you or your lifestyle.
Speak To Your Child
You’re probably spending a lot of time worrying about how any potential new partner will interact with your child when the time comes. You should spend just as much time worrying about how your child will interact with them. If you’ve been single for a while and your child is used to having you to themself all the time, then no matter how gently you go about introducing them to a new partner, they’re going to feel like they’re losing you, or at least losing part of your attention. That’s why it’s important to involve them in the process.
Tell them that you’re dating people, tell them why you’re dating people, and most importantly of all tell them that they’re still the most important person in your life, and they always will be. Your new partner has to be a match for your child just as much as they have to be a match for you. One out of two isn’t good enough, and if your child isn’t happy, you’re doomed to failure no matter how attracted to this potential new partner you might be.
It’s harder to date as a single mom than it is as a single person without ties. We won’t dress that up or pretend it isn’t the case. It’s far from impossible, though, and thousands of people do it successfully – so if you think the time is right for you, get out there and join them.
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