Let’s look at what is a supportive relationship. The word support is very important. It means that our interaction supports another. This means more than supporting another in their decisions or actions, rather though the act of supporting, we honour and validate who the other person is. In turn, this validates who we are. Both are supported, no one loses, no ego’s involved, and in so doing, we honor the relationship. This is what it means to have a supportive relationship. This is the desired goal. Now, how do we accomplish it?
There are several reasons why we may have problems relating to others. One primary reason is our behavioral patterns. These patterns are developed over a course of our lives. It starts when we are children, through to our adolescence, and by the time we are an adult, we have established our behavioral patterns for our relationships. These behavioral patterns either work or they don’t. it is how we interact or respond in our relationships that determine whether these patterns work. In addition, we can have both positive and negative behavioral patterns. Which is reflected in our life? The positive or the negative?
What causes negative behavioral patterns? If we look at a person’s life, we can readily see which is negative or positive behavior. But we may not easily see the cause of the negative. The cause usually resides in the past in which a trauma or an even occurred that effects how we behave in the future. If that event occurs again, or if something happens currently to cause us to experience that trauma again, that is when we respond to it. Situations can act as triggers, which may cause us to react to the person that is involved in the situation. This causes a negative behavioral pattern. Until we can identify the problem, we are powerless to do anything about it.
Whatever the situation was to trigger was to trigger a reactionary response, the cause must be discovered in order to heal the mental shock. The mental shocks occur for a variety of reasons and may or may not relate to this current lifetime. Traumas have occurred in past lifetimes that may or may not have been addressed. The Soul holds the body of these life experiences. Further-more, the life process itself can be very painful for some. Past experiences that have dishonored, or invalidated who we are, cause us to close ourself off even more. These experiences build up over a matter of time and unless a clearing occurs, emotional or physical problems may develop. We can go through life accruing more and more garbage. And we can bring this into our relationships. These are just a few reasons why we can have problems in our relationships. Using this context, we can see the long road to having supportive and loving relationships.
So, after we have identified the cause, moved through the experience, experienced the emotions associated with it, received closure or completion, then we let it go. We must let it go in order for the experience to clear. When we let it go, we release it. This does not mean to forgive or forget, that is not what it is to release. The act of releasing is our readiness to heal. Only after the experience has cleared can healing occur. The healing process is a time when we must be very loving to ourself. If we beat up ourself about the experience that had caused us harm or our past reaction to it, then we can not heal. In being loving to ourself, we validate what we had experienced at that time and our emotions for it. Our emotions are always valid. So its important for us to do this self validation in order to heal.
Love is the energy that helps us to heal, whether we give this love to ourselves, or we receive it from another. When we look at having supportive, loving relationships in our life why not start with ourself? Because that is where love comes from. It’s not about what we can receive from love but what we can contribute or give to love. This is what transforms our relationships and our lives. We must love ourself first. We must be friend to ourself. Have you ever thought what you really require and what you are doing for that? You are afraid of the fact that if you expose your actual requirement, the other person being affected with your requirement may term you as a selfish person, and you ignore your requirement if that is not basic one. No, you must accord priority to your dreams too. If you do not accomplish your dreams how would you be peaceful? Once we respect ourself and try to forget the unpleasant events, we can prosper further.
Be Happy – Be Friend to Yourself.