Providing proper parenting to children has never been an easy task for the parents. What methods should be adopted in this direction have always been a matter of serious challenge for them from the day of conception of family. In the present era of high competition, this challenge has got new dimensions because with the advancement of technology and easy affordability of the tools of getting abreast of them, by the child of today, new generation has got opportunity to get information of new and newer advancements – some of them are found really helpful in their development but some are harmful also. Though gathering of information necessitates a close watch, every time filtration is not possible. You can not confine your child to a limited area of inputs due to your own limitations also.
If we study behavior of the children, we find that most of the time many of them might be facing some problem. The infants may express them by crying and some older adopt some other methods. With the growing age and other factors, some children do not express them directly or indirectly and try to solve the problems themselves. It may be possible that in that process, they may succeed, or get victim of some bad elements or involved in some other serious matters instead of getting their original problems solved.
In case we, as responsible parents, get some time to involve ourselves in the activities of our progeny, it is definite that we can assess the gravity of their problems and help them solve out with much ease. This can ensure better development also in the right direction. We can take the following steps:
1. We may eliminate the generation gap:
Discussion over some issue: It is very much normal that on an issue, there can be a difference of opinions by two persons from some angle. Both persons can have different mindsets, different cultures, different educational back-ground, personal experiences, age, financial status, spiritual exposures, investment priorities, future plans or other factors to think on that issue. If such difference happens to be between children and their parents, it should not be taken as a surprise. We must listen to his/her opinion and if that is valuable, we must accept immediately. By the age of 14-15 years, a child acquires the capacity of forming his own views also regarding an issue coming before him. We must take into account that factor also and give due respect to his thoughts. If they are of some worth, we should not hesitate to accept them. In case we do not do so, they may develop some complex which can be harmful to their health and natural development.
No Longer arguments: We must develop a module to put an end to some arguments. The children must know that the arguments to be put forth by both – parents and children can continue to some certain extent only. Thereafter, that process should be put to an end to arrive at some stage of final decision. When some time arguments get heated, we have to defer the process to wait for cooling down. When anger cools down, we can resume the talks with important members only. This can help to arrive at more constructive decision on the issue.
Respect their thoughts: It is obvious that our children have lesser experience than we do have. But it is not necessary that for the issue, they might have got some innovative ideas. We must give them opportunity to express their thoughts. Once they tell us, we can analyze and discuss threadbare their merits and demerits. This process will convince them and amicable result can be arrived at.
Make them independent in routine responsibilities: We should be liberal enough to grant them authority to decide about the routine matters. After this, they will approach us in case some more important issue comes before them. This will create love between us and our next generation automatically.
2. We should not hesitate to reply their sex-related queries:
As soon as a child achieves adolescence, he/she becomes anxious about the growth of the organs and sexuality. For the anxiety in such subjects, the adolescents search out the replies from those sources which are available to them easily. If we wish that our children may not commit any wrong, we must make them equipped with necessary information at the first opportunity, or we can take initiative ourselves too. We can provide them some literature, some examples and/or related pictures to make them understand easily. It is not bad.
A little watch over the companionship is necessary: In the adolescent age, a child is not supposed to be mature enough to adjudge the rightness of the decisions. Sometime wrong companionship may lead to bigger troubles. As responsible parents, we need to keep a little watch over the companionship. We must talk to them without hesitation. Better, if we spare some time out of schedules to get involved with them, this way you can keep watch and make them closer in exchange of thoughts too.
Attraction with opposite section: It is very normal for the teenagers to get attracted to/by the opposite section, and it is an essential part of development process too. If your child is expressing his/her thoughts about someone, kindly listen to them carefully and tell the difference between emotions and actualities regarding the age and other factors etc. If you do it lovingly, you will be able to convince him/her and your views would be followed sincerely.
Make them aware of physical exploitation tactics: We must tell the child the difference between ‘good touch’ and ‘bad touch’ to his/her body by some other one. They must be given tips to differentiate and identify the bad elements easily.
Study if there is some drastic change in the behavior: If suddenly our child shows some drastic change in his behavior – he/she has started to remain silent, not showing any activity, liking to keep himself/herself closed in the room or is not taking participation in family activities as freely being done so far, we need to study and find out why so. If he/she does not give any clue, we may discuss with the friends. Her/his silence can be result of some hurt, loss, emotional set back or sexual abuse.
3. We should not exert pressure for better performance:
Appropriate evaluation of the capacity: We must understand the capacity and inconveniences of our child – they can be due to their physical structure, mindset or other faculties. We should fix up reasonable targets well within his capacities otherwise he can develop inferiority complex if he does not achieve the targets. We have witnessed some suicide cases by the students who could not achieve grades as insisted upon by their parents. We may ask our children to fix up their own targets – we can help them to get achieved. Once they achieve, we can inspire for the higher stages. We must keep care that his preparations are in right direction and he is not wasting his time, energy and finance in other directions.
Appreciate whatever he achieves: We must appreciate whatever our child achieves reward of his working. In no way, we should demoralize or permit anyone to do so. In case he does not achieve as you expect, you can inspire him to do better in the next opportunity. We can discuss the reasons of under-performance and suggest remedies for future plans. We must support him even when he is working to get the targets.
Teach them balancing between various activities: We must teach our children to make a balancing of the resources between their targets and hobbies. How much time should be devoted to studies, how much time should go to extra curricular activities, how much time should be diverted to sports and other activities? What is the most urgent and what are the priorities thereafter? What is his vision?
No Peer Pressure: As a child achieves adolescence, he develops his own value systems; own choices, fashion, and dresses. He wishes to copy or some time, excel over the possessions of his friends. He tries to fix up his priorities in his food, snacks, career by imitating others. To avoid further complications, you can become model for him and he may try to copy your actions. In the childhood itself, he can be motivated to express his views on different subjects. You can ask him repeatedly what he thinks of his future. If you repeat his targets, he will remain tuned up to single point target. In case he decides something wrong, you must not rebuke him. Instead, you can suggest remedy to improve.
4. We may change with time, fix up some principles of life and follow them:
Scheduling of working: Time has changed now. Our next generation has a number of entertainment channels which were not available with us when we were young. We must change ourselves accordingly. Ethics have undergone tremendous change. Earlier, there were a number of historic models we had been following. But now the children search out their models out of the actors on TV screen, cinema or sportsmen, internet and other media. We must watch them and see the direction. We can discuss over their selection and if we find that he is leading nicely, we should not pressurize to the old traditions. Some children like comics, some favors cartoon shows and some goes for thrills. Aptitude changes from child to child. They may love to maintain their relationships. We must see it and act accordingly. We should not impose a particular habit to be developed by them. But we can develop the diversion politely.
Taking into account all the relevant factors, we can fix up our principles and with active participation of the children, we can have schedule for follow-up for every activity as TV watching, taking snacks, going to movie, going to shopping, taking meals in house or at some hotel/restaurants, going to picnics, undertaking exercise, applying a particular therapy etc. This can instill a sense of discipline amongst all the members of the family.
Pursuance, not punishment: There is a good difference between old generation and new generation due to advancements taking all around. Now there is fast communication system, a number of conveyance facilities and round the clock internet to get any information. We can pursue our children to follow right path but we should not punish them for any wrong. We can make them alert or if already wrong has been committed by him, we can suggest them remedy and help them to come out. It would work as friendly gesture to them. We must not compare the abilities of our child with other’s. The other one might be living in different circumstances. We must identify the weakness and try to improve it without hurting the child. If anything mishappens in his educational institute, we can contact the authorities/teachers frankly. We must get their aptitude tests through some experts in psychology. We may try to provide him the basic facilities and ensure that he should not develop any inferiority complex while working, studying with his friends. If our resources, our incomes, our investment plans do not permit, we can plainly convince him of our status. Lovingly, he can understand. We can give him some spirituality related books also to move through ethics of life.
There are many other factors too which can help us in ensuring perfect parenting and we can improve with our individual experience.
Be Happy – Adopt Perfect Parenting.