Good-to-know info straight from the source.
If you find yourself on a date with an upstanding guy (which I hope you do), then he’s probably doing more than switching his gaze between your face and your breasts and wondering if you two will be in bed in two hours. He’s actually listening to what you say and observing how your carry yourself on this first date. Hopefully he likes what he sees and hears, and nothing scares him off—but if you never hear from him again, there’s a good sign he noticed one of these red flags, all of which are completely avoidable (and don’t worry—none of these tips have anything to do with not being yourself).
1. Talking About Someone Else’s Life Rather Than Yours
I know you’re incredibly interesting and intelligent, so why not show the lucky guy who nabbed a date with you by talking about what interests you. Guys don’t care about what happened to Kandi on Real Housewives of Atlanta last night, no matter how relevant it may seem in the moment. Wedo care about your photography skills or your softball rec league, though. Keep the conversation based on your reality, not someone else’s.
You’re not the only one who notices how your date interacts with waiters and bartenders. If you chew someone out for putting the dressing on the salad, not on the side as requested, then he’ll be afraid of what you could say a few months down the road when he forgets to put the seat down during a sleepover.
3. Money Talk
If you have it, that’s great. If you don’t, that’s okay, too. You don’t need to talk about it. He’s not on this date because he had a great conversation with your wallet at the park the other day. He had a great conversation with you. Talk about that.
4. Lack of Confidence
If you put yourself down too much by responding to his compliment with, “Thanks, but I look horrible right now,” then guys start to think about how much attention and reassurance you’ll need—and that can be a turn off. We don’t want you to act like a Hilton sister, but maybe just take his word for it when he says you look amazing.
5. The C-Word
One mention of this word, and it gets stuck in our head. “I don’t want you to think I’m clingy” no matter the context, somehow always gets translated to, “I like you. Maybe I love you. Let’s get married tomorrow!” After it’s been mentioned, suddenly something as simple as saying, “I feel like we have a lot in common,” makes us think, “Oh no. She’s made of Velcro.” Just avoid the word altogether.
6. Talking About Children
You’ve been dating a while, and perhaps you think you love each other. That’s the time to talk about how you see your future together, including possible kids. After the buttered dinner rolls and wine get placed on the table during the first date is not.
7. Putting It All On The Table
We want to know about you. That’s a fact. But we don’t want to know if you think global warming is real or not, if 9/11 was an inside job, or if you think XYZ government party is taking this country to hell in a hand basket. The beauty of a relationship is that over time you learn about each other and learn to deal with each other’s quirks. Maybe by date number six he’ll be ready to hear about your theory on why Twilight is the love story of the century. But remember: There’s nothing sexier than a little mystery on the first date.
A Guy Reveals the First-Date Red Flags That Can Scare Dudes Away