5 Ways That Texting Causes Relationship Troubles : Alan feels all alone– again. It’s a Saturday night and he’s irritated because his girlfriend is sitting across the room texting.
They’d planned to have a romantic night staying in eating the dinner that he cooked, watching a movie and hopefully connecting sexually too. Sometimes it seems to Alan that his girlfriend can’t stand to go even 10 minutes without checking her phone.
She texts with her female and male friends, some more than others. Occasionally, Alan worries that his girlfriend is cheating on him with one of her male “friends,” but most of the time he feels ignored. He wonders why she keeps dating him if she’d rather be texting.
There have been amazing technological advances in the world in recent history. Texting is one of those technological advances as it allows a convenient and quick way to stay in touch with friends, lovers, family and business associates.
Unfortunately, the age of texting has brought a whole new level of tension and conflict to relationships. The ease with which you can chat back and forth and even send pictures has meant an increase in distractions and temptations for some.
Here are 5 Ways That Texting Causes Relationship Troubles…
1. Texting can erode trust.
Your phone and your messages are YOUR business, right? This is how many people feel. There is certainly truth to this contention, but a sense of secrecy can erode trust between you and your partner.
Even if you are texting with a co-worker about something that’s strictly business, if you are evasive or vague when your partner asks who you were texting with, it could appear that you are hiding something.
Keep trust in mind as you text with others. Even if the texting you’re doing is no big deal to you, be open and honest about it with your mate.
2. Texting can trigger jealousy.
For that who struggle with jealousy– and that’s a LOT of folks– a partner’s texting can be excruciating. The mind of a jealous person can create a huge story of infidelity merely from the sight of his or her partner sending or receiving a text message.
Would the jealous person be jealous anyway, even without texting? Probably.
But, if your partner does have a jealous habit, be aware of the triggering effect your texting might have. This doesn’t mean that you are not allowed to text or that you will have no privacy. Instead, just be aware.
If you get jealous when your partner texts with others, it’s up to you to question your thoughts before you make an accusation or start interrogating him or her.
3. Texting takes your attention away from your love.
There’s no way around this one.
When you’re texting with other people, you aren’t fully engaging with your partner. People tend to split their attention again and again and again trying to do multiple things. This might be texting with a friend while listening to your partner share about his or her day.
It’s understandable that one person might feel ignored or unimportant as conversations and even intimate moments are regularly interrupted by text messages.
Be willing to turn off or put down your phone.
Regardless of the seriousness of a moment, if you’re with your partner, BE with him or her. If an urgent situation is going on at work, with extended family or someone else, apologize to your partner for the interruption and answer the text. If it’s not urgent, give 100% of your attention to your partner now and respond to the text later.
4. Texting can breed misunderstandings with your partner.
Even when a couple texts with one another, troubles can arise. Both e-mail and texts are notoriously confusing and misleading.
It can be difficult to express the complexity of your emotions or the specifics of what you want in just the span of a text message. By all means, do NOT try to resolve an argument or make a big decision about your relationship or life via text. It is rarely effective.
Even if you are in a long distance relationship, use a different medium for communicating about deep or contentious topics. Texts are meant to be short and to the point.
5. Texting can lead you into an affair.
As we just said, text messages are meant to be short and to the point. Plenty of people have plenty of fun texting with friends, lovers and acquaintances.
Pay attention to who you are texting with and how. You could actually text your way into an affair without meaning to.
Those seemingly innocent texts you and a co-worker send back and forth during board meetings could be setting the stage for a more intimate relationship. They can also be misinterpreted by your co-worker or your partner, if he or she sees them.
The same goes for those “harmless” texts you and your ex might exchange. Even if you two are never in the same room together, the frequency and the way you two text with one another could add up to an emotional affair and damage trust in your current relationship.
Of course, texting is not evil or inherently destructive to a relationship. Just because you or your partner text with others, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you two will cheat or breakup. The big lesson here is to be wise about your texting habits and the effects that they are having on your relationship.
Texting CAN be a way for a couple to stay connected and close.
Get creative and send fun and flirty texts like, “Can’t wait to see you tonight” or “I love you.” This builds anticipation and carries over to when you can be together.
Notice whether the texting in your relationship seems to be moving you two further apart or closer to one another. If it’s a source of conflict, create some agreements about texting and start using this technological wonder to help—instead of hurt– your relationship.
Alex Wise is a blog contributor and dating consultant for Loveawake free dating site, which launched in July 2009 and has been providing original free dating services and relationship advices, tips, articles, reviews, and videos to readers ever since. Follow him on the company site or on Facebook and Twitter
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